I hope everyone is having a beautiful Sunday!
I was originally going to post about my Cosmetic Insitute journey for my next blog post but I thought this post would be more appropriate to be told first, as it fits in with my anxiety journey.
So since October 2014, I’ve suffered from Anxiety. This was something that started suddenly and intensely, something I didn’t understand. Having anxiety is like fighting with your own mind, it makes you feel trapped and if you don’t get it under control, it will control your life.
Firstly I’ll start with my theory of how I feel that my anxiety came about. One part of my anxiety stems from a fear of mine that I have had since I was 6 which was triggered when I was really sick at school and spewed in class ( Sorry if your eating). That day I developed a fear of throwing up in public.This is an important thing to add as it works in with my next reasoning!
In 2014 I decided to take a leap of faith and do something I would never usually do and that was try out for Miss Universe WA! I got through which was super exciting and went to the morning tea, which I naturally had nerves about but that’s normal, so I didn’t think anything of it. Once I sat there and realised all the beautiful girls I was surrounded by and how much I thought I didn’t fit in, I started to be come anxious (please note this is different to having anxiety).It dawned on me that I would have to get up in front of people and talk about myself, which to be completely honest with you, scared the absolute shit out of me! This is also a huge fear of mine. Each day before work I started waking up feeling so tired and nauseas, it was hard for me to even get out of bed . I was waking up and not being able to eat anything as I would want to throw it back up, my heart was always beating so much faster then it ever had and I always had a lump in my throat. I ended up dropping 4kgs as I wasn’t eating much as I couldn’t stomach anything.
The climax of my anxiety was when my partner went out and stayed at a friends and I was watching a movie where a girl had to take medication ( I also have a fear of medication and becoming reliant on it). This triggered my first panic attack, this is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone! At this point my anxiety had got so bad I couldn’t go to the shops to go food shopping, I didn’t want to leave the house and work was a massive struggle,.I couldn’t go out and socialise, let alone going to the Miss Universe events, so I regrettably had to pull out, so I could focus on myself and overcome what was happening to me.
My second panic attack occurred when we were in Singapore and we’re going to catch a bus to Malaysia, my body couldn’t handle the thought of being stuck in a bus and it made me feel like I wouldn’t be able to escape, so the symptoms came on, I couldn’t breathe, I wanted to be sick. I spent that whole day in bed after coming down from my panic attack.
At this point all I could think was, I can’t do this for the rest of my life.
So I decided to try and do something about it. I did research, breathing techniques, spoke to my very knowledgable Auntie and got some tips as well as, slowly telling people that were close to me what was going on, I started to calm down a little. I started seeing a Naturopath in Melville who was incredible! She gave me herbal remedies as I was too scared to try medication. This got me on my Journey to controlling my anxiety. I soon was able to go to work without feeling sick and helpless and I could leave the house to do the food shopping! I still however was unable to go out for dinner or do small group outings as I had a fear of feeling like I was trapped and if I wanted to leave quickly, I felt like I would be being rude!
The day I really felt like I conquered a part of my anxiety was my surgery day. I was so calm before my surgery! It was crazy, I got in and got it done, I also took medication which was also a big step for me. I kept telling myself , if you can get through going under the knife, you can get through the small things that give you anxiety! I try and keep that in mind whenever it starts creeping up on me.
My anxiety is still very much there but I just know how to control it better now. I still find it hard to go out to dinner and I still get anxious in crowded places, I like to feel in control and when I don’t that’s when the wave of anxiety comes over me. But there is a few things that help me:
- When I’m out at the movies or dinner, I always locate the closest toilet or door incase I need to leave.
- I have made my close friends and family aware of my anxiety so that if I leave or I am being quiet they know this is not me being rude, that it’s me coping with my anxiety.
- Exercise and long walks.
- Breathing techniques or focusing something on in the room
- I also changed my contraceptive pill and that helped the most out of everything!
My anxiety has changed me but I feel it’s for the better. I know people think I’m boring because I don’t drink excessively but I don’t really care. I don’t do certain things because they heighten anxiety, if I do they make me feel ten times worse, I feel that if someone is my true friend they would understand this and would still be there for me. I’ve defiantly learnt who my true friends are through this process and I have grown even closer to my partner after having him there to help me through the tough times.
If you have someone close to you that suffers from anxiety or any mental health issue but you don’t quiet get it or you feel that they are exaggerating (trust me I see this all the time), please do some research so you can get into the mindset of what it’s about and then you can help them through it. It then won’t be frustrating if your friend cancels on dinner or leaves early because they feel that they can’t handle it. The smallest things can cripple someone who has anxiety so please be aware and open!
I could write forever on this topic but Ill leave it at that for now. S
o if your struggling with anxiety or depression , please know it will get better, you just need to take the steps to get there! Find what works for you and please remember your not the only one going through this! As I Come from a family where I have several family members suffering from mental health, it’s an extremely important subject to me and I’m always here if anyone needs to talk!
So Are You Okay?
Sharnee ❤️ xoxo